F.E.A.R. and why Hawaii mattered

F.E.A.R.- false evidence appearing real.

I took a quick trip to Ohau a couple weeks ago for work. While I was excited and super blessed by the opportunity, there was a piece of me that was really uncomfortable with the situation. Thankfully, when you are going through something and battling it out within yourself, God places people and messages and situations in your path to help you move past it-as long as you are willing to take chance.

Backstory: I've been flying since I was about...6 months old. As a kid, I flew cross-country alone to visit my dad all of the time. It was no biggie. Fast forward to college- that young and dumb carefree life where you take trips to just to have drinks at a different bar. Yeah. That. All was good but I started feeling antsy during take-off. Eventually turbulence would be the thing that would leave my tummy in knots- sweaty palms- the whole nine. It's gotten better over time for sure. At some point (I don't remember when) I'd begun really praying about the whole flying thing because it was silly and there was no reason that I should get worked up about a few pockets of air. Even as that part subsided, I was still a bit hesitant to take long flights and flights over water. I'd created this irrational fear in my own mind about flying over water and not being able to see land (kind of like the reason I don't want to take a cruise).

I'd accepted the trip to Hawaii, because it's HAWAII and how many times do you have the chance to go there-at no cost (note: this would make the second time. the first time a friend invited me and I was too afraid to take the trip). I'd made up my mind that it would be ok. But I did schedule a few stops on each leg of my flight to avoid having to sit for hours on end. The week before the trip I was still a bit nervous but trying to work through it. I had to fly to Washington state for a few days and then back to DC and then to Hawaii all in the same week, but was really only concerned about flying over the ocean for like 5 hours straight to Hawaii. The sunday before all of these flights we had a guest speaker at church. I allllmost didn't go that morning (opting for Bedside Baptist) but I pressed my way in. The message was about fear. And Deborah Smith Pegues talked about her own irrational fear of flying. I sobbed the entire time because I felt like God was talking to me and letting me know that it would be OK! She talked about how turbulence discouraged her from flying and how she'd missed out on opportunities because of her fear. She then talked about how she researched turbulence to learn more about it and was able to overcome her fear. She did it and so could I. She pointed to two things to do to address a fear (1) analysis and (2) action. She researched the thing that she feared and then took action to overcome it.

The message really hit home for me as I realized all of the things that I'd missed out on because of my own fear. A few weeks prior, ILYT asked me when I was going to stop letting fear keep me from experiencing life. That question was spot on and made me realize that I'd have to make a decision to overcome this or continue to settle for less than all I could have. I flew to Hawaii and back...by myself...over the ocean and it felt great to do. Plus I learned that planes can actually make a water landing. Analysis.

That's not the only reason that HI mattered though. Spending time on the beach and kind of on a solo vacation gave me much needed "me" time. I ended the trip in See's Candy store where I was buying a box of chocolates for my mom. I didn't realize how much that would take out of me. See, my uncle passed away last spring. This was someone who my mom was extremely close to, and one of those people that I'd always pictured at my wedding one day. He was one of my biggest supporters and my mom's too. Every year when I was little he used to send us See's candy. Since his passing, I've been meaning to get my mom a box and when I saw the store in HI, I just pranced right on in. As I began going through the choices and giving my order to the lady at the counter, I just started crying. Yup, like a baby. I had no idea the memories that something so trivial would bring back. BUT I also realized in that moment that I hadn't really had time to mourn my uncle's death. I was more concerned about being there for my mother and hadn't taken some time for myself. The saleslady was very patient with me and so sweet. I finished up the selection and packed it away in my suitcase. But those few moment and few tears were cleansing and apparently much needed.

OK, I know this was A LOT, but considering we only update this blog every other blue moon, I think its ok. Moral of the story here...conquer your fears and take time for yourself to heal a bit. Fear doesn't have to be so extreme that it consumes you, but if it keeps you from experiencing all of the great things that God has for you, it might be time to do something about it. Analyze it- figure out what it is you are afraid of and why. Then take action and do something about it. I promise it will feel great!.