Geez talk about wiping the dust off something so valuable! That’s how I feel as I return to the 2browngirls25project. I know it has been a while & a lot has happen since my last post. A quick update:

• I’m assisting one of L.A. fashion scene’s rising stars, more to come.

• I have found love for, not so expensive, Prada shoes. In my size!

• I’m trusting God, when everyone else doubted.

• Loving west coast life!

I promise, as I did before, I’m back to blogging! So you know my saying, “Sit back, buckle your seatbelt, and enjoy a Martini.” This journey call life will be bumpy.

F.E.A.R. and why Hawaii mattered

F.E.A.R.- false evidence appearing real.

I took a quick trip to Ohau a couple weeks ago for work. While I was excited and super blessed by the opportunity, there was a piece of me that was really uncomfortable with the situation. Thankfully, when you are going through something and battling it out within yourself, God places people and messages and situations in your path to help you move past it-as long as you are willing to take chance.

Backstory: I've been flying since I was about...6 months old. As a kid, I flew cross-country alone to visit my dad all of the time. It was no biggie. Fast forward to college- that young and dumb carefree life where you take trips to just to have drinks at a different bar. Yeah. That. All was good but I started feeling antsy during take-off. Eventually turbulence would be the thing that would leave my tummy in knots- sweaty palms- the whole nine. It's gotten better over time for sure. At some point (I don't remember when) I'd begun really praying about the whole flying thing because it was silly and there was no reason that I should get worked up about a few pockets of air. Even as that part subsided, I was still a bit hesitant to take long flights and flights over water. I'd created this irrational fear in my own mind about flying over water and not being able to see land (kind of like the reason I don't want to take a cruise).

I'd accepted the trip to Hawaii, because it's HAWAII and how many times do you have the chance to go there-at no cost (note: this would make the second time. the first time a friend invited me and I was too afraid to take the trip). I'd made up my mind that it would be ok. But I did schedule a few stops on each leg of my flight to avoid having to sit for hours on end. The week before the trip I was still a bit nervous but trying to work through it. I had to fly to Washington state for a few days and then back to DC and then to Hawaii all in the same week, but was really only concerned about flying over the ocean for like 5 hours straight to Hawaii. The sunday before all of these flights we had a guest speaker at church. I allllmost didn't go that morning (opting for Bedside Baptist) but I pressed my way in. The message was about fear. And Deborah Smith Pegues talked about her own irrational fear of flying. I sobbed the entire time because I felt like God was talking to me and letting me know that it would be OK! She talked about how turbulence discouraged her from flying and how she'd missed out on opportunities because of her fear. She then talked about how she researched turbulence to learn more about it and was able to overcome her fear. She did it and so could I. She pointed to two things to do to address a fear (1) analysis and (2) action. She researched the thing that she feared and then took action to overcome it.

The message really hit home for me as I realized all of the things that I'd missed out on because of my own fear. A few weeks prior, ILYT asked me when I was going to stop letting fear keep me from experiencing life. That question was spot on and made me realize that I'd have to make a decision to overcome this or continue to settle for less than all I could have. I flew to Hawaii and back...by myself...over the ocean and it felt great to do. Plus I learned that planes can actually make a water landing. Analysis.

That's not the only reason that HI mattered though. Spending time on the beach and kind of on a solo vacation gave me much needed "me" time. I ended the trip in See's Candy store where I was buying a box of chocolates for my mom. I didn't realize how much that would take out of me. See, my uncle passed away last spring. This was someone who my mom was extremely close to, and one of those people that I'd always pictured at my wedding one day. He was one of my biggest supporters and my mom's too. Every year when I was little he used to send us See's candy. Since his passing, I've been meaning to get my mom a box and when I saw the store in HI, I just pranced right on in. As I began going through the choices and giving my order to the lady at the counter, I just started crying. Yup, like a baby. I had no idea the memories that something so trivial would bring back. BUT I also realized in that moment that I hadn't really had time to mourn my uncle's death. I was more concerned about being there for my mother and hadn't taken some time for myself. The saleslady was very patient with me and so sweet. I finished up the selection and packed it away in my suitcase. But those few moment and few tears were cleansing and apparently much needed.

OK, I know this was A LOT, but considering we only update this blog every other blue moon, I think its ok. Moral of the story here...conquer your fears and take time for yourself to heal a bit. Fear doesn't have to be so extreme that it consumes you, but if it keeps you from experiencing all of the great things that God has for you, it might be time to do something about it. Analyze it- figure out what it is you are afraid of and why. Then take action and do something about it. I promise it will feel great!.

"Protect yourself at all times."

What Floyd said.

Though referring to the reaction to his low blows to Ortiz in Saturday's fight, Mayweather's words resonated on another level with me.

So many of us (women and men) carry these words in our heads and our hearts as a result of something in our past (breakup, disappointment, failure, and the like). We all react to situations differently, but lessons and experiences from past relationships can put us in a place where we feel the need to always protect ourselves- to be guarded so that we can't get hurt. The issue? Well there's a few. One- hurt can be super uncomfortable, especially in the moment but once you've dried up tears and diffused a little anger, there is usually a lesson, moment, or experience that presents clarity to you and allows you to grow a little. Two- if we are "protecting ourselves at all times" with our hands up and on guard...then we never get a punch in. Translation- being guarded at every moment doesn't allow you to fight,err, experience life. Who wants to watch a fight where one guy throws all the punches and the other just has his hands up the whole time? NO ONE. It's boring, there's no action. It's dead. The same is for life, if you've always got your hands up, you are never getting into life and all it has to offer, in the end your story isn't worth remembering or retelling, it's boring...and you've merely existed.

Mayweather was right,we do have to protect ourselves, its natural and its healthy to do so. But, in that, we've also got to allow ourselves to be open (and dare I say vulnerable) to life. Your life is a sum of your experiences, encounters, and imprints of influence that you leave behind. Standing in one place-on guard- hardly allows for any memorable moments...so toe the line with this. Find the happy medium between protecting yourself (and your heart) while remaining open to the experiences of life, the joy of laughter, and the passion of love.

DELET

Ahh...."DELET" (like delete but a hard "t" at the end) reminds me of my young and dumb college days...

I've never really been one to go through my phone deleting numbers and such. Either numbers weren't transferred when I got a new phone or they just live on eternally. I literally have a phone full of numbers that I will never use, but eh, never know when you might be stuck somewhere random. You just might need that number....(ok maybe not). It's just never been a conscious thing to do, though I realize that this is quite normal for most people.

About a week ago, this all changed. I was literally tired of seeing people's names who don't serve any real purpose in my life-popping up in my phone randomly due to a pointless text or phone call. Now of course, this has more to do with me basically being "over" said people for one reason or another, but to keep from continued annoyance...I deleted the numbers...the past text messages- EVERYTHING (because we live in an age where if the number isn't stored, it isn't recalled, and therefore does not exist) . I literally felt like I'd dumped off some weight. It may sound silly, but it really felt good to get rid of the extra. Now not to be free of coincidence, literally within a day (and a few hours in one case) the contacts either called or texted. Meh...i'm done. So those calls and texts got the DELET too. But perhaps I should have responded with an open invitation for said persons to lose my number...hmmmm....

So I'm sure reading this you're like, 'man she's a bit angry' but its actually quite the contrary. People that know me know that my tolerance for BS is fairly low...or I will tolerate it until I'm tiiired and then I'm done. And I simply reached that point with a few people. Instead of continuing engage in random convo and failed attempts at 'getting up', I just won't. And since these people are no longer 'contacts' in my book, they now get the treatment that every other unknown number gets. Fair? I think so :)

Im not even close to being thirsty.... Im too hydrated for that.

Growing up in the south I realized men really take charge, they are go getter's, they actually use their God given 'manpower' in pursuing a lady. I'm now at the stage of life maybe I should put a little effort, but that seems like I'm being thirsty. Even after showing a clear interest. It's like ANY effort is thirsty, to me at least. Then I wonder about Jacob (Genesis 29-30) and how he worked (14 years) for the wife he wanted, Rachel. Man was created first for many reasons, I believe they should put effort out in pursuing a lady first, at least work for her (not literally, but literally).
I understand some men may be intimidated or even shy starting off, but to keep her he needs to return phone calls and text messages in a timely matter. If not she will write you off (period).

After writing the first part, I realized God doesn't want me to question who should say hi first. Like I'm in 4th grade, instead I'll be the mature adult and take lead. However understanding the reason God created woman and understanding my positioning in different circumstances is what I'll concentrate on. With that being said, what's meant to be will be.

Giving "good" a chance

There comes at time when you realize that your mom was right, and though you hate to admit it, you must. So, mom, you were right though the edgy guys won't be boring, they will have a dash-too-much of selfishness, and being someone that doesn't deal well with selfish people-that will not work. Even casually dating someone who is a bit too selfish won't work because they will eventually like many other people just annoy the hell out of me. Thankfully, I've managed to keep a good balance of good and evil around, but maybe it's time to get back to the basics and stop attributing to that whole "nice guys finish last" bit. Now....how do I keep from getting bored? That's another question for another day, but I'm sure consciously trying not to will help so we'll start there. This is me, giving good a chance.

And speaking of giving chances....I've been wanting to write a post about how my awful ordeal with Comcast changed for the better. BUT IT HASN'T. As of today we are at 5 appointments/3 NO-SHOWs after the tech calling my roomate at 10:17PM last night to announce his arrival. I think Ocho Cinco says "Chile Please". Who's letting some rando Comcast tech in their house that late at night. Meanwhile back at the ranch, the cable blinks out every few minutes. I literally watched the first 9 minutes of Chelsea Lately and observed 3 blanks in that time period. I wonder if the Comcast CEO knows that they are this terrible at providing technical service. Perhaps they should contract less and direct hire more. Oh and another fun fact-Comcast owns Fandango...so I might have to stop using that service too. Ugh. Dear Comcast, you are the worst and I am confident that the only reason that people continue pay for your service is because there are no other options...monopoly is a bish, aint it?

When words to actually trump actions...

We are all familiar with the idea that "actions speak louder than words" and tend to use this whenever it is convenient to prove our point or make a case. The fact is, however, that while actions may speak louder than words-sometimes-there are occasions when you should take what is said to be what the person means...like your parent's say, "do as I say and not as I do."

Living in a major city, I hear the same dating woes from ladies about how tough dating is. They talk about how men aren't ready to commit meanwhile they aren't given any reason to since y'all are more than willing to dress it up, serve it on a platter, and play house without committment , how men are chasing their careers and aren't interested in making time for a relationship, and how they'd rather just enjoy this time in their lives without being attached to any one person. All of this may be (read: probably is) true, but I know for a fact that there are some great guys out there looking for a relationship but instead are probably somewhere lost in the "friend zone".

Thinking that they have the ability to change a man's mind, many women pursue these 'unavailable' men anyway in hopes that it will lead to a relationship. Guys go along with the dating, but they've already told her that they aren't looking for a relationship...but she keeps on pushing along because they spend so much time together, he texts her throughout the day, they talk on the phone once a month, and the like. For her, he's showing all the signs of being in a relationship so surely its inevitable, right? NO. Were you listening to what he said (and notice the fact that story hasn't changed)? Boo, he's single. This is one of those moments where actions aren't speaking louder to nobody but you. He said his piece, and that's what he has in his mind. And until he speaks otherwise, you can safely assume that is what he means despite his actions. Truthfully, its easy to get caught up in seeing the same person repeatedly if you enjoy their company, but it doesn't mean that the part of you that isn't seeking committment has changed. So ladies, please stop getting all in your feelings and start using your ears to hear what is being said (yes, I know this isn't natural). It will work out easier in the end.