Happy Double Agent's Day!

That's what I told my mom yesterday. I know that yesterday was father's day and of course I honored the men in my life, but I also thanked my mother for playing a dual role for my brother and me. Single mothers do A LOT. We all know this. And for mother's that work and make time to be active and nosy involved...the job is a big one. So yes, yesterday and EVERY father's day I thank my mommy.

But yesterday was about fathers and I could never let that day pass without letting my "dads" and uncles know how much I love an appreciate them. I sent cards and small gifts (which didn't make it on time thanks to USPS) and made my calls yesterday. All was well except when I called my dad. I didn't expect him to answer the phone and I had resolved that in my mind and heart so it was no surprise when I went to voicemail. What I didn't expect was for me to get all teary-eyed when I called him. I know that part of the reason that our relationship exists (or doesn't exist) is because of a choice that I made. I am my father's child. I weigh the consequences before making a decision and then I have to live with that. Fine. But over the past year, though I've accepted my choice to change my relationship with him, I realize how much I do actually miss my dad actively being in my life. To some people, it seems like an easy fix...just call and make up. But unfortunately, that's not how the either of us works. So I continue to pray that God works on both of our hearts and that in the right time, we will have a better relationship and I'll have my daddy back. Despite all of that, I am super blessed that he was a part of my life and blessed still that there are so many other men (my step-dad and uncles) that have been absolutely amazing to me.

"Don't be doin' all that cryin' over me...I'm fine"

That's exactly what she'd say if she saw me right now. (thanks mom for reminding me of that)

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. As you know I went to the doc's office for that "experience". But later on my mother told me that my aunt had passed away. I am usually one that keeps things in and can hold it together, but I will admit that it was hard to do that last night. I cried. I wept. and then I cried some more. This was never the news that I thought I'd hear. I couldn't understand the circumstances, I didn't know how my brother would handle it, and though my mother was keeping her voice strong on the other end of the phone, I knew that she was sad as well. Even this morning as I talked to my mom...I continued to cry. I cry for the woman who gave whatever she could to other people (including me). I cry because she went alone. I'm hurt that probably won't be able to attend the funeral. But 06 reminded me last night that funerals are for the living. I know my aunt would tell me to stop all this crying...and at some point I will. But sometimes the brick wall leaks...and sometimes the water continues to fall until its all gone....

So to my Auntie (if you're reading from the world wide web in Heaven), I love you. Thank you for ALWAYS supporting me. From my awards presentations in elementary school, to move in day at Duke, and even my graduation. Thank you! You always told me to "hurry up and become a doctor so I could take care of you" and that is exactly what I intend to do. Your memory will live on in me and the lives that you touched with your warm heart. When I walk across the next stage, I know that you will be there too. I'm sorry that I didn't call as much as I should have...and that it took forever for me to mail you that picture. I'm sorry that you spent your last days alone. I hope that you find the comfort you sought in life, now that you are resting above. I love you Auntie.