These two ears...

Ever wonder if you're being punked? Seriously- I wait for Ashton and a camera crew to pop up out of the bushes or from behind the door.

Yesterday my phone rings (I know you read the blog now, so feel special that this post is about you) and its an ex. I was tempted to not answer it. I actually expected the camera crew to come through then to catch the reaction on my face when the number showed up...I figured it would be the same conversation that had been texted to me over the past couple months and since I'd forgiven in my heart. I didn't think anything else needed to be said...but "what if it's important" came up so I answered. The conversation wasn't at all what I expected it to be. He needed an ear (or two) and a few words. We actually had a good conversation.

I know that I'm a listener. I can take a survey of those I'm close to and I'm sure they will say the same. But in the midst of the conversation with him, I realized just why it is that I've never really seriously dated someone that I wasn't friends with before. Without a friendship foundation....these conversations wouldn't be possible. Being someone's friend is being there to listen to them and support and help them along the way. Barring certain reasons for ending a relationship (i.e. violence, cheating) it is possible to still be friends with someone after. You never really know why God puts you in someone's path. Seriously. You may have thought it was for one reason but as time goes on, you realize that it was about something else entirely.

Word-Action Disconnect

I'm sure this week's posts have been all sorts of random but yall are here for the ride, right?

So today can I just rant about my dislike for people who have a disconnect in their words and actions? I know its not something that anyone is immune to and I will be the first to admit that I have fallen short in this area too (per an ex), but geez, do people really NOT pay attention to the things they say and how it fails to match up with what they actually do. I believe this is part of the definition of hypocrisy.

Because I have done this in the past (unknowingly) I can see how one might not realize that what you are doing and saying don't match up in some areas of life. BUT there are some things that are fairly obvious disconnects which leads me to believe that you consciously pick and choose when you will and won't be a hypocrite. Or maybe you just don't believe the bs that comes out of your own mouth? I know no one is perfect, but this is really erking (yes I said that) me.

Excuses

are tools of the weak and incompetent...used to build mountains of nothingness...those who excel it in seldom excel in anything else but excuses...

Most of us know this right? Well then we do so many of us (myself included) continue to use them so much?

I recognize that I am far from perfect and I never pretend to be. But what I can't stand is people that use excuses to do or not do the things that they should or that they don't have the discipline to stick to. It takes little effort to talk yourself out of doing something that you don't really want to do in the first place. You can think of a'hunned reasons that you don't really have to do it, why its a bad idea, or whatever. But if something has been convicting you in your life and you know it needs to change...then you've got to make a move. Not that it will be easy but if you commit to it and practice a little discipline, you might get farther than you imagined.

Gym Guy

I work out a few times a week. After all, its good for you, right? Well I usually stick to the gym near my job because its close and kinda nudges me to go since its a few blocks away from work. Last night, I went to the gym closer to my house because I wanted to go ahead and get my workout in that I would have done had I worked last night and not bailed on to go to a meeting. Surprisingly, the gym near my house is clean, well lit, and the machines looked well maintained. I am a member of Bally's and if you know anything about them...you know that their locations can be hit or miss as far as the quality.

I was greeted by a handsome guy...in shape...nice smile. I asked where the locker room was and kept it moving. Once i got met my new buddy (the treadmill that I'm coming to accept as a part of my life) I got lesson number 1 of going to a new gym. DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT with the strange looking guy. I tend to make eye contact with people in general-whether walking down the street or in the gym. That's just me. But this guy decided that he was going to repeatedly walk by my treadmill and continue to look at me. And he looked a little strange. Lesson learned...keep your eyes on the TV instead.

Once I finished my little routine, I packed up and left. I passed by mr. in shape and nice smile and said goodbye. Got to the parking lot and I hear...."excuse me miss"..."excuse me miss". Turn around and its mr. in shape and nice smile. We start a little convo and his first question is.."um before I ask you anything else...how old are you?" I'm thinking...how old do I look? Sometimes people say I look young but geez. Do I look like jailbait? His next question was "do you have kids?" Yeah, that was the second question! After I giggled a bit I gave him the answer. But I couldn't help but to appreciate how up front he was right off the top. Because I've never dated anyone with children...and haven't really found the desire to (I'm just being honest), I loved that question. It stops you from wasting anymore time if that's something important to you. Maybe that should be one of my "at the bar" questions? But I wonder if it will be perceived differently if I, as a female, ask that question at the top of the conversation....

Matching Swag (for lack of a better term)

I'm a people watcher. I observe people and their interactions. It's just something I do. What's been puzzling me lately has been the increasing number of guys that I've seen dating or in relationships with women that don't match their "swag" so to speak. This problem is not unique to men, plenty of women do the same thing. I was talking with a gentleman last night and it came up in conversation. The more I learn about myself and what I want from relationships, the role I wish to play, etc...the more I realize different things around me.

Now to clarify what I mean about swag. I'm not talking about clothes, style, essence- at least not entirely. I'm talking about something more-ambitions, moves being made, professional and family goals and the like. We talked about being equally yoked and what that means today in dating. I can't understand how some guys are dating women who are complacent with where they are. No goals. Not trying to better themselves. OR dating women who won't work well in the arena that they are trying to move in. I know some say that you can't help who you fall in love with. AND NO I'm not knocking women who haven't necessarily been exposed to various things in life BUT if she's not trying to learn more and do better...then what's the point. I've talked with a few guys about this and not many of them (those working towards greatness) want to date a woman who can't get dressed up to be shown off at the company gala because she's got a 'baby daddy' tat on her Arms, Legs, Backs, and Breasts ('betta check her tattoo-whoody Mannie Fresh). In the same line, they also don't want a woman who can't hold a conversation with the people in various circles. SO MY QUESTION is why are you even dating these women?

I recognize that to some I may seem picky. There are certain qualities that I look for in someone that I choose to date. Does this person match my swag? Can I see myself supporting them in their endeavors and would they support mine? This doesn't mean that I'm going to look over the guy who isn't "there" yet but is he on this way? Is he actively moving toward bettering his life? Does he mind getting dressed up to go out to mingle and socialize? Are the lives that we live and want to live compatible? I honestly think that if some people considered these things before getting into "serious" relationships with someone then time would be saved. The time that you take hoping that people will change into the person you need them to be...let's just save it. I love the idea of "taking the sugar off the rim" and being you UP FRONT. I'm me from jump. You like it or it's not for you. I'm not a fan of wasted time so I just prefer to show many (maybe not ALL) of the cards up front. Having some idea of what you might be getting into helps you not only figure out if you are up for the challenge but allows you to decide if its something that you want to invest your time in.

So with that...yeah...I'm checking for your swag..but not in the ways that you think :)

Being Un-Selfish

Moving along my personal journey has allowed me to learn so much about myself. Being single has given me time to learn things about me, what I desire, what my goals are, etc. I'm not saying that you can't learn these things while in a relationship, but I think being single for some period of time allows you to get to know who you really are and what you really want from life. So I am still learning the things that I do and don't desire in a mate...the things that I like and don't like...and I think that hashing those things out will eventually put me in a relationship that is both interesting and loving.

A part of the lesson involves reflection (of course) on past relationships. Now I know that it took me way longer than it should have (and I know someone who would agree) to realize that I've actually been blessed to date really good guys. With maybe one exception...every guy that I've seriously dated has been a genuinely good guy. I, however, didn't realize how good I had it and perhaps I took these people and those relationships for granted. So as I continue to pray that God brings the right person into my life, I actually find myself thanking Him for those that he's brought in the past and pray that He brings an appreciative woman into their lives.

I was having a conversation with someone that I used to date the other day that I am still good friends with. He was telling me of a person that he is currently dating and about how he is thinking of making it "official" with the girl. My response was "whatever makes you happy" and he informed me that on some level it mattered to him what I thought about the relationship. The truth is that he and I are friends and while he is an AWESOME guy...a relationship isn't in the cards for us at this time (or as far as I know). I truly want him to be happy so why wouldn't I want him with someone that does just that-makes him happy? I like the way it feels to be unselfish and to want the best for others.

Seatbelt fasten, cocktail chilled ( Something Random)

You told me to write, here it goes:
I have realized this whole dating thing is like picking peddles off a daisy. He loves me He loves me not or does he even know, probably not. You know, I've come to realize our daily encounters(relationships) with male and females are what we make them. I ask myself and I challenge you to ask yourself, "What do you want to put into someone else? Is this person worth my time?" I come in contact with so many people I have realize, everyone is not wanting what I want. Like REALLY! He may seem great, but people don't really know who he maybe, therefore perpetrating around certain people. I mean, I just want to know you, NOT YOUR ALTER EGO!!!!!