Guns, straight-white teeth, and neck tats....

These are a few of my favorite things.

Guns- well that's literal and figurative. I'll buy a ticket to the gun show for sure, and toting actual weapons is-well-pretty hot. It speaks to more of the protective nature of a man to me. Knowing how to use a gun (properly) and not being your neighborhood D boy is such a plus! But you sir, running outside with shot guns...are just getting a side eye from me (LOL).

A smile is worth a thousand words. And a smile from someone with great teeth is- pretty much priceless. Teeth are among the first things I notice about someone especially since I have pretty great teeth myself .

And neck tats ? Well when I told my sister this...she looked at me with the o_O face. I can't explain it...especially given my "type". But me likey neck tats...#kanyeshrug

Too Bad Matt Barnes defines the word "douche" to me.

And in "not-so favorite things" news:
Taco.Meat.

in this form...

..or this one

is most definitely an instant turn off-especially if you are in the Park with a button-down opened to the third button-0n...on a Friday night. UGH. And Paul Pierce , I am begging you to just let the disconnected, connect-the-dot, taco pellets on your face-GO!

AHHH its been over a month...

since I had Chick-fil-A. I'm sure this matters not to most of you, but it really just put a sunny spot in my otherwise rainy day.

More Gym Adventures

While sitting at my desk pretending to be productive working yesterday I started to plan my evening. I knew that I had a ministry meeting and that I also wanted to get some time in at the gym. I didn't run on Monday night so I needed to get back on my game. Its really like falling off the wagon for me when I don't run for a while (a few days). And it really hurts when I don't do at least a mile. I feel kinda like I punked out and could have done more. I've never been a cardio girl, more weights and toning exercises, but I've been working on coming to love like running. So, fine. I decided that I'd stop by the gym on my way home from church. Now of course this is the gym that KFC works at. I knew he'd be there. He works like every night or something, so there were no surprises when I walked in and saw him in his office. I slid by the check in and proceeded to the locker room-unseen.

BUT THEN I LOOKED UP! And who did I see? YOU! I giggled to myself. I hadn't talked to him in a while. After our last little exchange of words, awkward silence, and decisions of distance during the Vday weekend, I'd figured that was it and he'd moved on. Which was fine because I left all of that annoyed on some level (for many reasons that some of you know) and made a conscious effort to move that arse to the friend zone at our last meeting. As far as I could tell...that is what had happened. Hadn't heard a peep from him since then, but last weekend I got a text out of no where asking how i'd been. After a few texts of small talk- that was it- back to our regularly scheduled program. So imagine my surprise when I saw you on the treadmill. And then the surprise on his face was kind of priceless. Yes, I know this is the gym he works out at, but I thought he was more of a day-gymmer. And he thought that I was too bourgeois to work out at that gym (which I later admitted was actually better than my gym across town). Anywho we talked for a minute. Then I went to run but not before calling ILYT to tell her the irony of the sitch-which she boldly laughed OUT LOUD about.

FF to the end of the workout-actually in the middle of my abs. You walk in and interrupt my workout and we end up talking for like an hour. It was cool I actually remembered that i enjoy talking to him. I even told him about KFC when he also walked into the room. I don't think he saw me...or didin't know who I was which was fine....since it didn't make for any awkward moments.

So as I'm leaving KFC is at the front desk. Not to make things weird, I stop and speak. We start talking. He asks me did I catch the holy ghost at church which is a mandate for getting into heaven according to him. (sideeye) Anyway we got into why I cancelled on him and all of that. It wasn't a strange conversation. I was upfront with him, told him that I didn't want to waste his time. That I couldn't really take him seriously based on our conversations-which he insisted was the issue (that we hadn't had any real conversations anyway). Perhaps he was right? So he invited me to go running with him and some other people on Sunday- when he gets out of church (confused face). I told him to text me and that I'd think about it. But re-iterated that I didn't want to waste his time. He decided that it should be up to him whether or not he feels like his time has been wasted. That's fair. Who am I to decide that if I'm honest up front? I told him about my fast. He actually thought that was a good thing since we'd have to hang out in free settings, it'd likely be in places where we could talk and get to know more about each other. So looks like KFC is trying to make a comeback. Though the conversation started off kind of silly- he managed to get it together after hearing me say that I didn't take him seriously. Oh but he did kinda throw me off again when I asked him about a tatoo he had and he said it was something tribal and he didn't know what it meant (WTH?).

So where will these stories go next.....

Mister KayEffCee

I can't even make up the stuff that this guy says in conversation. Seriously. He called last night and I let my roomie in on the conversation because I don't think yall can grasp the craziness that this guy comes up with sometimes.

Text earlier from KFC: Do you still want to see me this weekend?

Me: Isn't that what was planned?

Hour later he calls....

KFC: Oh I'm bout to go work out and drink some water and gatorade.

Me: great, run an extra mile for me.

KFC: NO

Me: that was mean

KFC: No its not. You're too skinny as it is. You need to gain some weight. I'm gonna slip fat into your food.

Me: Oh well can stop talking now cuz that's not happening. I'm comfortable in my skin so we won't be altering it anytime soon.

Sidenote: I actually HATE when guys talk about how skinny I am. I'm ok with it. And its not like I'm all bones. If you have an issue with it....do not approach.

KFC: What are you doing?

Me: Driving to church for bible study

KFC: Oh, You a Church Girl?

Me: Yea, I guess

KFC: So you saving it for marriage huh?

Me: Ya

KFC: Are you lying? You're lying.

Me: Nope Im not

KFC: Me too...I got a chastity belt

Me: Thats good.

KFC: So you going to church? How long is bible study? Are you in traffic cuz you probably wont make it in time

FYI- I'm like 10 minutes from church at this point and it starts in 20.

Me: No, I'm good. I'll make it on time. Its a couple hours long

KFC: Oh. Well since you a church girl you probably shouldn't talk to a person like me. I'm probably opposite of everything you do. I'll do the opposite of everything you do.

Me: ON PURPOSE?

KFC:No, but don't they teach you to not talk to people that ain't like you?

Me: No. I haven't read that part or heard that message. You aren't supposed to not talk to people just because you are Christian. Maybe you can show them something different.

KFC: Oh ok, I guess.

At that point I'd grown tired of the conversation and the constant interruptions from him yelling at traffic so I told him I'd call later. He said I wouldn't. He was right. So I texted instead and grew tired of that too...BUT he called me already this morning. Ummm what do you want?!?

What is Vajazzling?

I was reading a blog this morning and it mentioned Vajazzling which is apparently a new way of adorning the body and getting all pretty. The initial image that popped into my head left me with a puzzled face, but after reading this article (reposted from The Luxury Spot) it makes a little more sense and I see how it could be a nice pick me up for some women. Don't quite know if its something I will be running to get done, but I thought I'd share it with you all.

Article from The Luxury Spot

A few weeks ago we wrote a post on Vajazzling, a relatively new concept in vaginal adornment. It’s exactly what it sounds like- bedazzling for your vajayjay. The trend exploded when Jennifer Love Hewitt announced that she Vajazzles regularly to feel good about her privates. It took mere minutes for bloggers to go wild in pursuit of real Vajazzling pics. Alas, there were none to be found on Google. Until the lovely team at Spa Week Daily called me up and said “Bryce, we know you’re at the forefront of Vajazzling… you’re basically the authority on the subject, any chance we can send you down to Completely Bare Spa in NYC to actually get it done?”

Would I? Obviously. Vajazzling, in my opinion, is the only civilized way to wear rhinestones. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a blinged-up Ed Hardy t-shirt, but somehow the idea of a little sparkle on my lady business is appealing. Maybe it’s because I have a small scar from a C-section about 14 months ago (shout out to Dr. Finkelstein for making the tiniest incision ever, and for vaginal preservation), or maybe it’s because I haven’t had sex in a year. And no, I’m not Vajazzling to find a boyfriend, although I do appreciate all the tweets I’ve gotten today asking me for drinks, naked bowling, the opera, and a “sensual pilates date.”

So how exactly does a lady get her business Vajazzled? It’s a 2-step process involving some pretty high-tech wax, and then some pretty fabulous Swarovski crystals. But before any crystallization can occur, the entire region gets waxed. Although I was initially scared of the head-of-vaj-waxing, Jill, she turned out to be more like a pleasant cheerleader than anything else. She would chant funny little things like “spread ‘em, I can tell this is going to be easy for you!” and “aww, c’mon, this is gonna be great by the time you’re all done Vajazzling!” And it was true, her positive outlook on the status of my crotch really helped the experience to be relatively pain-free. On to the crystals!

I felt like I was in a doctor’s office. Everything was crisp, clean, white, and sterile. I got a 2 or 3 minute break after my wax to “relax and get ready” for the actual Vajazzling. I laid back on the table (obviously pantless), and Jill prepped my area with a mild cleansing solution to rid the region of any remaining wax. Then came little sheets of real Swarovski crystals that she heated in the palms of her hands for a few seconds before applying to my freshly waxed skin. The bottom of each sheet of crystals has a strong adhesive material that’s completely invisible to the naked eye. Larger areas of crystals are applied directly from a sheet, while more design-specific crystals are painstakingly applied by a tweezer on an individual basis.

After all the crystals were applied, Jill used her hand to seal a little more heat into the adhesive. She assured me that they’re pretty strong, and that Completely Bare guarantees their Vajazzles for 5 days. When she reminded me not to engage in any “vigorous activity for at least the first day” I couldn’t help but laugh to myself… vigorous activity? I should be so lucky.

I left the spa feeling like a new woman. I had a little spring in my step and couldn’t help but think that I would actually do this on a semi-regular basis if I had a man in my life. Why not? Until then, I can keep the solo party going around my disco ball of a crotch. I don’t think I’ll be bringing a photographer and film crew next time though, that was just plain bizarre.

For those of you interested in Vajazzling, it will be offered during Spa Week at Completely Bare on Bond Street as well as in Westchester. You can also visit a spa in Washington D.C. called Strippers (go figure) for the same treatment.

Spa Week Spring 2010 will take place April 12-18th, when all treatments will just be $50 a pop. You can pre-book starting March 15 on the Spa Week site. My birthday is April 15, and I’ll be back to Vajazzle my way on to 26.

So what you yall think? Is Vajazzling on your "to-do" list?

Live from the docs waiting room

This will probably read more like a live feed of thoughts in my head as I am waiting to be called back into an exam room. I was having a little chest pain during my workouts a week ago so I decided to do the responsible thing and shedule and appointment, plus who doesn't need a physical? And I pay for insurance to cover these things so why not use it?

Anyway I drove to the office and decided that I felt some type of way about this whole thing from the looks of the building but we aren't supposed to judge a book by it's cover so I can only hope it gets better once inside. Now welcome to my thoughts....

Oh yeah I was right about the outside. This waiting room is uncomfortably small

Hmm the receptionist is wearing an aeropostale goodie. Regular clothes. Umm that's not professional but unfortuntely it does answer my question of the ethnicity of my physician.

Who is this person that just walked by me and went straight into the clinic space no questions asked?

Am I in a free clinc? Where's Ashton!

Oh look another person coming in. Going straight to the back too? Are you old enough to smoke whatever it is that you smell like?

There's the doctor. Those must be her kids....or juvenile detention outreach project.

Another patient comes on and her hair is multiple colored. Oh girl are you rocking the latest coogi bag?

New patient. This one comes with a lingering smell. (sidenote: yall know I have a sensitive nose. This funk is currently torturing me as I sit here on this small arse waiting room)

What is this soft rock music playing, wait nevermind it's been overtaken by your beyonce ringtone .:sideye:.

New patient. Oh that's nice of you to show us your arse sir. Where's the "pants on the ground" man when you need him?

Am I going to get robbed while I'm siting here?

Whyyyy did I not ask my aunt where to find a bougie-friendly physician and office?

Ok it's 3:28 I was early to my appointment. Fine. But how much later are you going to be doc?

Mr. In Shape, Nice Smile

Has become Mr. KFC, King of the Random Questions, and Mr. Make Me Laugh in the course of a couple days. This guy honestly keeps me giggling, though I'm not sure that is his intention. He is now called Mr. KFC because he shared with me that he eats KFC EVERY NIGHT. So I told him that was no good...that could lead to an early death so today he texts me that he's making lunch for his diet. I asked what diet contains KFC every.damn.night...he said that I am going to be his girlfriend and that he doesn't want to have a stroke and die. Fair enough I guess.

What I have learned about this person via our conversations is that he might have the most random repertoire of questions and the conversation never ceases to make me go hmmm..ever...convo sample:

KFC: I'm selfish. I don't like to share. So when we go out, I don't want you to see other people.

Me: This _____ is crazy. Um this ain't no "I bought you a drink, B* you is my girlfriend" type situation. So that's not going to work. You don't get to shut it down date one.

Me: Why are you single?

KFC: I can't stay interested in one person long enough. So I usually leave and come back after I've had some time.

Me: WHO the hell waits for that?

KFC: Do you want kids? Have you ever been pregnant?

Me: No. Um you said you don't have children right. Thats nice.

KFC: Yeah, I don't want to make babies with a bunch of women. Imma have a baby with the woman I'm going to marry. And I'm not doing that while I'm working at a gym.

Me (thought): The order of events is completely ambiguous there.

KFC: I think that 90 day rule is stupid. Its BS.

Me: Really? Why?

KFC: You expect a man to date someone hoping that in 90 days it pays off?

Me: (thought) you've got wayyyy longer than that dealing with me

KFC: What does your manicure and pedicure look like?

ME: What? Do you have a random list of questions in front of you and you are just picking one WTF?

KFC: No. Well what it look like. You should get french.

Me: Um thats a no go. Its all about color and are you paying?

Me: So you don't want to stay at a gym. What are your goals?

KFC: Coast guard

Me: (thought) Can you swim? What did you do before the gym

KFC: Mixed martial arts

Me: C'mon boogie. Don't nothin bout you say computa or skool .: sideye:.

KFC: Are you religious?

Me: If you are asking if I am a Christian, yes. Are you a Christian?

KFC: I don't know, I'm baptist

Me: totally lost in translation at this point

I think I'm gonna have to ride this one out..at least once to see if the randomness keeps coming.

And now a word about lies...

This weekend inspired a few different posts and since I didn't actually post them this weekend..you get two today. (Note: these two posts are NOT related)

You know the phrase "You ain't got to lie to kick it"? Well that's one of my favorite phrases because it holds true. Lies tend to only complicate things more than they need to be. If you know me, then you know that lies and liars are the two things that bother me most. To me, honesty just works. It might not be the words that someone wants to hear, but at least there is no confusion or misunderstanding.

Some people feel the need to lie for whatever reason..to push their own agendas or because they feel backed into a corner or whatever. I guess I just don't understand the point. If I ask you a question its because I want the honest answer and in some cases...I already know the answer but want to see if you will be honest.

Choosing to not tell the truth for whatever reason puts you in a certain category with me. Can I trust anything that you say..simple or complex? If you later come with the truth (which I already knew) is that supposed to excuse the fact that you weren't forthright initially? It probably wont. But at least you decided to be honest at some point...right?

The people I encounter truly entertain me. Lets just keep it 100 with one another so that there is no confusion since we know that there are already opinions, stories and the like circulating without any influence from the either of us...k?

Thanks for the Compliment but.....

Would I really drink 3 cocktails a day, if I knew what they would do to me on the 30th day? The things we do when we don't see the results upfront.

I mean just call if you want to talk, that's much hotter than you debating should I wait, what will she think!
Oh in other news I have decided to stop sugar coating. I will no longer treat daily conversations like the sugar on the rim of my martini glass.(My martini drinkers will understand.) It's 2010, I really need to not worry about hurting his feelings. I take responsibility for all my actions so if HE has the audacity to talk to me, he needs to take responsibility for the not so smart actions! But I know some people are nervous and don't know what to expect (see I'm sugar coating) OH WELL I CANT WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE NOT KNOWING, that's not my problem!